Wednesday, September 12, 2012

My Submission for Ellen's Bad Paid-For Photos

Do you guys watch Ellen?

I sure hope so because... well, because it's just such a happy place. It's such a perfect blend of creativity, celebrity, generosity... and HUMOR. My God, I know Ellen's a comedian, but seriously. The amount I laugh out loud at each and every episode is legitimately unreal.

Anyway, so as some of you are aware, I have a list of things I want to do over the course of the year (not really a new year's resolution list, since I don't believe in resolutions and since I created this list in May, but you get the idea, right?).

One of my goals?

That's right! Going to the Ellen show (well, if we're going for accuracy here, I actually want to be ON the show... but whatever, I'll settle for going to the show as well)!!

OMG- if I end up getting tickets to an episode of the Ellen show when Rosie and Sophia Grace are on, I will ABS-olutely die. Have you seen these girls?!?!?! They are only the most adorable girls EVER- Ellen discovered them through a random YouTube video she found and now they are TOTAL celebrities. For good reason, too... these gals have some personaliTAY.

Anyway, sorry, that was a slight tangent. I get a little overly excited (surprise, surprise). Back to the point of this post... okay, so if you do watch the Ellen show, you are aware of a recurring segment that Ellen has called "Bad Paid-For Photos". Basically, it's an opportunity for people to send in GODawful pictures of themselves from way back in the day that... well, that everyone can laugh at.

I know, I know. Most people shudder at the thought of reliving some of their childhood pictures (I mean, Glamour Shots? Wowza, that's all). But, well, who DOESN'T have a bad photo from back in the day, right?

Right. Since shamelessness is my middle name, I've decided to take my chances and submit a picture for Ellen's "Bad Paid-For Photos". The things I'll do to get on TV, really... sooo, are you guys ready for it?


That's right. Hello, third-grade. How I had any friends in the third-grade is fairly questionable, given the hot mess state I was in. I mean, there is NOTHING right about this picture! What in heaven's name were my parents thinking, letting me out the door in this state? And to think... this is what I looked like on school picture day, when more effort than usual was put into my appearance... scary, huh?

Here's the thing- if you know me at all, you know that I care very little about my appearance in general. But this picture? I mean, that's taking "caring very little about my appearance" to a whole new level.

All I have to say is- God bless the inventors of braces and contact lenses. Heavens.

And those BUTTONS?!?!?! Those SHOULDER PADS?!??! I understand it was the 80s and all things wrong in fashion really came outta the woodwork, but really? REALLY.

And finally, let's discuss... that HAIR?!?!?! One, WHAT is that haircut? The bangs aren't even close to being evenly chopped (I forget... I may have done this myself... awesome.), the bottom of the hair isn't close to even (and you KNOW I wasn't aiming for a "layered/angled" look)... and well, again, God bless the inventor of the hair straightener.

And heavens- I can't believe I almost forgot to point out those GLASSES?!?!?! I mean, clearly (clearly) I was a fan of pink... but really? Those pink frames? No words...

Ah, the good ol' days. If anything, I would like to think that this post will give kids hope. Hope that things CAN get better as you age. (Ah, the Maliyacular... deep, isn't it?) I mean, if one individual can go from THIS:


...Well, at least you know you can go nowhere but up (and by "up", I just mean anywhere north of... well, that third-grade train wreck).

*Although most of you reading this are aware of what I currently look like, I had to insert this "current state" picture per Ellen show requirements, as I'm simply linking to this post for my submission to the Ellen show.

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