Sunday, December 12, 2010

Free Alcohol for All and for All a Good Night!

so in honor of this grandest time of year, you KNOW there's christiemas parties all in full swing. and of course, what better way to celebrate christiemas than with family, friends... and your coworkers? nice segue, right? i just patted myself on the back for that one. anyway, so in honor of the merriest time of year, a wonderful christiemas party was organized for our team that included only like one of my favorite things in all the land... secret santa!! woohooooo! please note that this is only one of my favorite things in all the land if and when i know who has whom. i mean, im pretty darn fantastic at playing santa's little helper and investigating what people want... just a friendly fyi.

well, this year, one of my favorite people in all the world had me (i was de-lighted, to say the LEAST!) and only got me like the greatest christiemas present ever... a basket full of all things christiemas. i can itemize the contents of the basket (let's just say, there are a LOT of things required to make that gift basket reach "all things christiemas" status) but the signature item of the basket was a can of whipped cream... not just any whipped cream, my friends. alcohol-infused whipped cream. have you ever HEARD of this stuff? i certainly had not. but apparently it's all the rage with high schoolers, college kids, young adults, regular adults, the elderly... well, whatever. you get the idea, right?

anyway, what a FANTASTIC present! sugar+alcohol? how can you go wrong? after all, my favorite alcoholic beverage is a mudslide, because of all the sugary deliciousness that masks out the gag-me flavor that alcohol typically has... anyway, so of COURSE i had to tote it along with me in my little laptop backpack (im the coolest person alive) as we move from the office holiday party to a night out on the town. and by out on the town, i mean to a bar called kerryman's. i'd heard about this place but had never actually been, so i was quite pleased where we ended up (after a couple of wrong turns, but whatever.)... anyway, this place was PACKED (and rightly so, it is SO GRAND!) so as soon as our group of like fifteen enters, of course we're going to just be crammed in like sardines, standing uncomfortably amongst strangers (remember? i need my personal space...). it was at this point that one of the random girls i was crammed in next to sees my whipped cream can (yet to be opened) and totally raves about its wonders and glories to me. i was shocked! i mean, how POPULAR is this thing?? so of course, when someone raves about something, how can i NOT be tempted to try it like right then and there? (immediate gratification and all that) anyway, so about two minutes later, i whip it on open (no pun intended...) because, i mean, CLEARLY it was going to be taking some time to get some drinks at the bar, given how packed it was. might as well have alcohol in some form or another. anyway, so i spray a little dollop into my mouth and... oh. my. heavens. this stuff is STRONG. it like BURNED going down. whew! anyway, all in the name of christiemas, right? gotta take it for the team and all that.

so anyway, generosity is my middle name and only what the season of christiemas is all about, right? right. so of course, i offer little dollops to some of my coworkers who were standing around me, because i mean, come ON, who DOESN'T want to try alcohol-infused whipped cream? anyway, so it was quite successful- some of my coworkers were quite receptive to the concept/taste of it. and then, in my completely logical/rational/questionably sober state of mind, i HAD to offer some to my newfound pal who had raved about this stuff in the first place. so i find her and share a little dollop with her. and then of COURSE i didnt want to be exclusive, because she had some friends with her so i offered it all around. and man, people were so receptive. i was actually kind of surprised. i mean, if a random stranger is passing around some whipped cream in a bar, you gotta wonder what is actually IN that can, right? but whatever. golden sunshiney innocence is my middle name so how can you NOT trust me, of all people? anyway, so after her group of friends had their little dollops, i guess some other random strangers saw this little exchange and were curious themselves. and then it just made me so HAPPY! i mean, this is what christiemas is all ABOUT! bringing the world together and all that. in my jubilee, i got a little overexcited and started waving the can of whipped cream around, proclaiming "free alcohol for all! free alcohol for all and for all a good night!"... to be perfectly honest, i wasn't really proclaiming it all too loudly. in my defense. regardless, i think that was the beginning of the end.

well, WHAT? i was just trying to spread the joy and educate people about this newfound fad. how was i supposed to know that the kerryman bartenders/bouncers/whatever they were would come around and CONFISCATE my christiemas whipped cream? i mean... i dont know what their "official" title was (bouncer... bartender... security...?)... but their totally unofficial title? GRINCHES. that's right. you don't mess with the spread of christiemas cheer.

sigh. so that's sadly the end of this story. i mean, first these grinches were like "you're going to have to put that away"... which i totally DID. but then they came by AGAIN and were like "yeah, we're going to have to take that from you. you can pick it up when you leave..." good thing i scare easily and am a rule-follower when it comes down to it, so i just gave it to them. no need to stir up unnecessary trouble... that's not christiemasy goodness, right? but THEN, they were like, "yeah, we're going to have to check your purse also.." i mean, come on kerryman grinches, who are we kidding here? it's not like i go out for a night on the town with cans and cans of whipped cream in my purse. but sigh, whatever. rule-follower that i am, i just handed over my purse for them to peruse.

in retrospect, it was all rather exciting. i mean, the unknown (of what this whipped cream would be like), the highs (of spreading it to all the land), and the lows (The Confiscation). thank goodness kerryman played mariah carey's all i want for christiemas later that night... that TOTALLY restored any scrooge-like sentiments i'd harbored earlier in the night due to The Confiscation. doesnt take much, really...

ahhh. all in a day's work, yet again, my friends. all in a day's work.

*special thanks to jill for the christiemas whipped cream
*special thanks to emily for the christiemas work party extravaganzadanzaranzapalooza
*special thanks to all those random strangers to whom i could spread the christiemas spirit in the form of alcohol-infused whipped cream prior to The Confiscation

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

How Christie Got Her Glow Back...

okay. so i understand things have been a little busy in my life lately, and i know im an emotional person and i wear my emotions on my sleeve (one of my very few flaws, let's be honest... juuust kiddinggg. geez.) but i didnt think it was all that noticeable until you talked to me and i verbal vomited everything going on in my life to you within the first five minutes of conversation (remember? i talk quickly. faster than i type, if you can believe that). basically, i had fooled myself into thinking that im good at hiding my feelings despite already KNOWING that i wear my emotions on my sleeve. sigh. talk about one confused mess, that i am. haha.

anyway, thank goodness i was brought back to reality last week when one of my coworkers returned after a month-long vacation and ever so tactfully mentioned that id seemed to have lost, of all things, my glow.

my GLOW. my christie GLOW. my maliyacular GLOW. omg... my christiemas GLOW.

i know, i know. i had the same reaction. i mean, my glow is like one of my sole contributing components to the betterment of society. without the christie glow, what does christie really add to the world?? (i dont normally ever speak of myself in the third person. it's actually a pet peeve of mine. but whatever. remember that whole thing about how 'fickle' is my middle name? case in point, if you will.) so, needless to say, i kind of flipped out. and by "kind of" flipped out, i mean i only inquired about my glow status with a few other individuals (read: basically my workplace's 26th floor in its entirety as they paraded on by my desk)... and EACH individual i politely questioned (okay, kind of accosted/interrogated) couldn't even LIE about my glow status. it was all a very sad day in christieland.

it was from that point on that i have decided that i simply cannot be having this. i HAVE to get my glow back. i just have to. i mean, how else am i going to reach world domination (ruling by spirit fingers in lieu of the iron fist, and all that... oh you know what? i dont think ive written a blog entry about that topic just yet. oops. ah, for another time) if the essence of me is simply... well, slowly but surely... dimming?

ive put a lot of time and effort into brainstorming ways by which to restore my glow. after such introspective analysis (remember, my friends, the maliyacular is very deep)...ive come up with the following list:

1. LAUGH (or giggle)!! (this is easy- i laugh all the time. im very grateful for this trait- i mean, people are FUNNY. and by funny, i mean absolutely ridiculous.)
2. LISTEN TO CHRISTIEMAS MUSIC!!!! - seriously, i have been SO HAPPY the past few days at work just because i plug right on into my christiemas itunes playlist. seriously, it's A-MAZING how much of a happy place my christiemas music takes me to. and i only have three christiemas cds on my itunes!! (mariah carey... the original. love actuallyafksdljaskdlfjaosij!!!! glee!! and last year's starbucks christiemas cd). in fact, after this whole lack of glow business from last week, i made sure that my christiemas music was playing allllll weekend long (including as i slept... okay, so i woke up at like 4 AM because im a light sleeper and still get super excited each and every f'ing time i hear mariah carey's all i want for christiemas but whatever.)
2a. i know this goes without saying, but if you happen to feel this need to just get up and dance to your christiemas music, i really dont think anyone's going to judge you. if anything, i will solely judge you if you ARE listening to christiemas music and NOT dancing. um hello have you HEARD mariah carey's all i want for christiemas? as a very wise person (me) once said... HELLO.
3. eat, eat, eat! - you realize that the obvious disclaimer to this point is that, when eat, eat, eating, it's only in reference to sugary deliciousness. please note how this is not specific to chocolate, primarily because im not a chocolate kinda gal (i know, i know, blasphemy). sure, i love me the occasional peanut butter nutella cupcake or the occasional snickers/reeses/twix treat, but i am a firm believer that there is more to the land of sweets than chocolate. dont even GET me started on this dark chocolate revolution... but again, for another time.
4. gab, gab, gab! - always have your go-to people with which to take time out and, well, gab, gab, gab! therapeutic, really. it's amazing how easily you can laugh, laugh, laugh when you make it a priority to gab, gab, gab. and it ALL comes full CIRCLE (please reference #1 above!). i LOVE it when this happens!!!

okay. so the list isnt the most comprehensive thing ever (im sorry, but creating a restoring my glow checklist takes a lot of TIME here, people!). but it's covered the ESSENTIALS, right? i mean, you see what's in red above, right? duh.

so, my friends, milk and hot chocolate is the lesson for today (haha get it... it's like the whole idea of "lemons and lemonade" with a holiday twist... hahaha im actually quite proud of it). i mean, i could have completely freaked out with this whole lack of glow revelation... and sure, i did for a little... so maybe i dwelled on this for a couple of minutes (or days). but whatever. the POINT is that i have taken the liberty of re-prioritizing my mindset in order to restore my glow and, thus, maintain a healthier lifestyle (after all, well-rounded is my middle name... HA. hahahaha i just laughed ALOUD at the thought)...

and if i just HAPPEN to achieve world domination along the way well... what's a girl to do, right? im JUST SAYING...