Sunday, October 25, 2009

i won! i won!

so i decided to take the liberty of actually interacting with coworkers outside of work by going to happy hour with a couple of people on my team a couple of fridays ago... i know, right? anyone who knows me knows there are so many things wrong with that sentence. now, dont get me wrong. i love my coworkers- i mean, they're just so FUNNY. haha - i find people funny? shocking. but anyone who remotely knows me knows that i actively embrace the finer details of staying in and sitting around on fridays. i mean, arent people just TIRED after a week at work? but whatever. when in rome and all that. one drink never hurt anyone...

well. definitely more than one drink and a dueling piano bar later... this woman comes around to take pictures of random people at the bar... okay. so i know i should always be wary of random people taking my picture because who KNOWS where those pictures can end up (thanks for the paranoia, mares) but, quite frankly, you just never know! maybe that picture could've been my ticket to being on tv or something! that was my thought process at this point in the evening despite the fact that i dont think the camerawoman remotely referenced a potential stint on television... but no need to further delve into THAT thought process. so eagerly, i beam away for the camera and then, more than a little readily, write down my email address for her to keep me posted on when i should show up for my grand tv debut...

ha. right. instead, three days later, i randomly get some email from howl at the moon (to which i grimaced because i certainly didnt remember giving my email address out that night in the aforementioned story until i received this follow up email from the bar- whoops)... congratulating me on winning a free happy hour for me and 100 of my closest friends.

i know, i know. wtf and all that, right? of all the people for this to happen to?? i mean, the irony of the situation! you can't make this stuff up! the girl who hates (absolutely hates) having attention drawn to her (well. except, apparently, if it has to do with being on television in which case i am shameless in self-promotion... a study of contrasts, i know)... the girl who actively promotes staying in on the weekends and can readily detail the finer points of cozy time on any given night... the girl who used to be so anti-hanging out with coworkers at her last job (haha i bet any triagers reading this are just like who is this girl? what the f HAPPENED? but whatever. side note.) decides to venture out for one innocent night...

and a free happy hour and 100 friends later...


quite frankly, even though i am probably the person least likely to deserve to win some random free happy hour (HELLO! where are the contests for free cupcake tours or coffee shop hours when you need them, people??), you KNOW im so all ABOUT innocent friday night happy hours NOW because, quite frankly, what else will i get to win?? laksdjflaksjdlfkj! i cant wait wait wait to find out!!! lkajsfdlkjsd!

Monday, October 19, 2009

oprah gone ghetto fabulous... just reliving the moment, people!

sigh. i just saw a friend this weekend who conveniently mentioned that she was left off the email chain for my oprah extravaganzaranzadanzapalooza... oops. i went ahead and forwarded her that email today and, not going to lie, just reread the email in its entirety a few moments ago... and got SO EXCITED yet AGAIN whilst reliving the DREAM that can only be The OPRAH (what! WHAT!!!) that i figured i might as well just copy/paste yet another email for you guys to "get a feelin'" (hahah! get it?! blackeyed peas at the oprah block party??!aslfdkjals! please tell me you get the pun because im actually quite proud of it!!) of what it was like to be amidst the chaos that can only be an oprah block party... lakjsdflksj!

for your reference (you're welcome in advance :)...):

The morning started off… well. Early. I awoke at 5:15 AM (actually, my alarm was set for 5:15 but I woke up at 4:45 AM and just tossed and turned because, quite frankly, I was too excited). So I got to the corner of Michigan and Ohio by 6:20 AM (after triple checking to verify that the copy of my poem was in my purse in case I could read/sing it to The Oprah herself) which was awesome. I was within the first 250 people lined up!! Super excited because I knew knew KNEW I was going to get IN!! Eeee!

So we stood on that corner until 8 AM which was fine because that’s what we were expecting. Then, at precisely 8 AM, they let the first 500 people in to this area that would be our second holding area (we knew this going into this whole debacle)… okay, so this is where my life reached another new low. Literally, as soon as they lifted the ropes to let the first 500 people in, all these middle-aged women were CAREENING down Michigan… so of course I jetsetted down Michigan as well. I was mortified (my Strand bag was falling off my shoulder because it was laden with crap to get me through this whole day, my ponytail was quickly falling down) and I really REALLY hope I wasn’t caught on TV for that… it was like an Oprah crowd at its finest. But I didn’t care at the time. So we get to the second holding area and this is where things started to get interesting aka ghetto with a capital G.

So I understand that this was open to the public, and I knew that thousands of people were expected to show. But honestly, I couldn’t believe some of these women. I guess this is what happens when you get like 85,000 women all in one setting… catFIGHTS. Hahah. We’re like CRAMMED into this second holding area which we’ll be in until noon… and yet, we don’t have to be crammed in at all. There’s this WHOLE AREA cordoned off for the 500 people and the official people + security kept on being like, you need to back UP. Just BACK it UP. But NO ONE would listen because anytime the front people would back up, the back people would push past them. It was ridiculous. I was in like the third row so there was a lot of pushing/shoving going on. I guess it makes sense since these would be like the DIE HARD oprah-goers but STILL. Women were cursing, swatting each other with bags, poking each other (they say accidentally, I say deliberately) with umbrellas… oh, it was a sight. And a treat let’s be honest. Not to mention some of these women were full-on YELLING at the security people (ie: a very standard conversation went as follows: Official Oprah security man (quite possibly one of the most perfectly created men I’ve ever seen and I don’t think I notice that a lot so that’s saying a LOT): “Ma’am, you need to back UP. You’ll be in a different spot when you get in anyway so just back UP. There is plenty of space back there” and the woman would be like “I’ll move when the people behind me move.” Or “uh-uh I’m not moving I got up at 5 AM for this bull*expletive censored for work email*.” But the BEST was that some people decided to take it upon themselves to start faking HANDICAPS to get in early. One woman flipping went to Walgreens across the street and bought a CANE. And we definitely saw her “hobble” her way in, even though she had just run a good two blocks with the rest of us… and she wasn’t the only one. There was a man with a fake brace on his leg… needless to say, the crowd was MAD and everyone started chanting “Take him/her OUT. Take him/her OUT.” But it was stupid because the police weren’t even requiring a doctor’s note or anything… they were just letting them IN.

I mean, come ON people. ANYWAY. So 12 noon (when we were supposed to move to the final area as Oprah guests) comes and goes… 1 PM comes and goes… 2 PM rolls around, everyone is pi**ed OFF because 1. they were late letting us get through, 2. The sun was now BEAMING and we were hot (and still crammed like sardines) and the whole standing was starting to get old and 3. These Oprah people kept on trying to teach us all this damn choreographed dance “as a surprise for Oprah” and NO ONE was listening to them because everyone was PO’ed. It was ridiculous. So FINALLLY, they announce they’re going to let us get through (finally, right?) and we are THRILLED because we’re all like front and CENTER baby!!! But they know the crowd is a train wreck so they try to do this in as orderly a fashion as possible. Well, f that. That lasted about 2 mins (they were literally trying to funnel all these people into a single line). People started PUSHING (I literally couldn’t MOVE) and SHOVING… women were holding hands with their daughters or mothers or whatever and the security guards literally BROKE these hands APART (separating individuals from the people they came with) … I felt like I was on the Titanic and everyone’s just like holding on for dear life. I couldn’t believe it. And THEN, this guy literally took this woman OUT. And THEN, the woman’s daughter was like “oh no you didn’t just do that to my MOTHER!!” and started hitting the man… holy mother. It was out. Of. CONTROL.

FINALLY, we make our way inside, but we are still SO FLIPPING FAR from the stage because these VIPs with wristbands got the area closest to the stage. EVERYone was ANGRY. And it was SO funny because they were giving away free cell phones (typical Oprah flair right?) but they couldn’t get to the ENTIRE audience, of course. So these poor Oprah folks who were carrying around the Tmobile bags would get ACCOSTED by these people all clambering all over each other for an f’ing cell phone. It was out of CONTROL. For instance, they were handing out water and stuff and people would come by and be like “water? Water anyone?” and these people would be like “We don’t want no water! We want those PHONES” And then, these poor choreographers STILL kept on trying to get us to learn this dance that I will never forget and they literally called out to our section… they were like “Section 3! Come on! Let’s RIPPLE! Let’s SLIDE!” and everyone in my section was like “You get us some phones and we’ll start that ripple…” (in a VERY attitude-like tone) and the like. It was SO FUNNY because everyone in the front was so HAPPY just because they didn’t have to wake early, were standing like right in front of the stage etc… so of course they were dancing along merrily (they’re the ones youll be seeing on TV).

So anyway. Another couple of fights later… the show begins and Oprah’s a mere dot to me. And I was like in the FRONT of all the general admission people. I cant even imagine what it was like three blocks down. Ridiculous. But, I must admit, the choreographed dance thing went pretty amazingly (youll know what im talking about if you watch the show) and the black eyed peas were AMAZING (and im not even the biggest fan of them)… they got the crowd super energized so that was awesome. And seeing Oprah get so excited (she really did seem surprised about the dance!) really pumped me up even more, which is pathetic but true. And now I’m even more motivated to get tix to her show!!! I still love Oprah!!! Hahaha.

So. 13 hours later, I made my way back home. My feet were actually SORE from standing that whole FLIPPING TIME. And I wasn’t bitter at all. Haha. Well maybe a little bit. But still. It was definitely worth it for some ghetto fabulous entertainment (from the crowd). And it was cool to see Chicago lined up down Michigan Ave… once in a lifetime and all that. But still. I mean seriously. This is a slightly different email from the one I was expecting to write to you guys after going to the show (that one was drafted to involve “Holy MOTHER! I MET OPRAH!! We got pictures (attached here) and we’re going to hang out tomorrow!!”) but oh well. Hahah. I’m actually more entertained than dejected by this debacle, to be quite honest. I mean, the ghettoness of the situation. You can’t make this stuff up people!!! Hahahahah

Okay! Miss you! Love you! Hugs and kisses!

sigh. life reaching new lows? and check.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

cupcakes... in more detail than you ever imagined possible...

so one of my absolute favorite people in LIFE came to visit me in my new hometown (is it too early to start calling chicago home? oh well.) this weekend! drumroll please... id like to introduce you to the one and only archie p! while arch and i have traveled quite a few places together... travel is a slightly relative term... somehow, i think very few individuals would travel the way we do, complete with self-guided "the notebook" tours in charleston sc (i mean HELLO! southern CHARM at its FINEST!), pathetically weak attempts to bike ride around charleston in sweltering heat (i just cringed), ridiculous cooking/baking adventures in archie's DC kitchen (trust me... if you ever want to make vegan cupcakes, you can just give archie p a ringeroo), blueberry picking by the mountains in seattle (rather than watching some big OSU vs. UW football game... please- priorities here, people), gorging on magnolias cupcakes in new york...

oh magnolias. where the cupcake sprung to life- from a mere birthday dessert to an absolute ART FORM, in my eyes. i could eat magnolias for breakfast, lunch and dinner (and trust me, i have before, so dont put it past me- vanilla vanilla, you canNOT go wrong). sad to say, any other cupcake place i sampled in new york and SF just paled in comparison to magnolias.

but then i came to chicago. and... oh what the heck. i was going to just type out the ins and outs of the cupcake scene here but it would basically be a copy/paste of my email to arch in preparation for her visit to chicago (please keep in mind that the poor girl was not even in the US at the time this email was written... she was in cambodia saving the world... and im emailing her about cupcakes. fab.)

"arch you have to come home soon. and by come home, i mean, sure fly into dc but then immediately come down and visit me in chicago :) i just discovered yet ANOTHER amazing cupcake shop today! i stumbled upon it while i was walking to barnes and noble. it's on the cutest little street and the name of it is: sweet mandy b's. how cute is THAT?? i dont know which i like better... mollys or mandys! mollys is amazing and i go there at least once a weekend (this weekend i went three times- it was kind of disgusting but whatever) but it's kind of pricey... however, the cupcakes are SO DIVINE. mandys is definitely cheaper and much simpler (ie: the frostings are all kinds, the cakes portion are as well, but they arent filled with like cookie dough or peanut butter like mollys does). anyway. it was pathetic- i stumbled upon mandys and you KNOW i helped myself (i cant stop myself from trying a cupcake shop!!)- i had a lemon cupcake with vanilla buttercream divinity frosting. it was great. but then i felt guilty because i felt like i was cheating on mollys so i just stopped by mollys just now and helped myself to a mixed berry cupcake which was just mediocre. however, i must admit that mollys has been solid on most of the others ive tried... i had a chocolate one with peanut butter filling yesterday (it reminded me of our buckeye cupcakes!!) and then there's this choc chip cookie dough one, that is a choc chip cupcake with vanilla buttercream frosting and cookie dough filling in the cake part and topped with the cutest little choc chip cookie... OMG AND ARCHIE on friday i got a mini pumpkin caramel cheesecake. i mean, seriously, it's getting outta control. im cutting myself off starting tomorrow i have told myself. well. until you come and then we embark on a self guided cupcake tour around chicago. i mean, honestly, im quite surprised with the high quality cupcakes ive come across here. because in new york, the only ones i truly enjoyed were magnolias- all else paled in comparison. sigh. anyway. i todl you this was going to be all about cupcakes. its rather sickening but also maddeningly delightful."

for your reference: 'mollys' refers to "Molly's Cupcakes" while 'mandys' refers to "Sweet Mandy B's"... amazing deliciousness captured in every bite... in case that wasnt remarkably clear from the above...

ive also heard of quite a few other cupcake places in chicago but i havent yet tried them... you KNOW that youll be hearing about those places (in unnecessary levels of detail... kind of like here) as i visit them as i continue on my neverending quest for the cupcake that could even DARE try to beat out my magnolias... ha. right.

good luck, chicago cupcake shops/bakeries... maliyacks is on the way... yikesers!

Friday, October 9, 2009

if obama ruled the world...

oh wait. he does.

i think the nobel peace prize award confirmed that... in case you've been living under a rock, here's a reference -

i mean, i love big barack. (not nearly as much as i love michelle, but that's beside the point and definitely for another time). but since when did the nobel peace prize (or any nobel prizes, for that matter) start getting awarded for intent and purpose rather than result? i mean, that's like saying the winners of the nobel prize for medicine won because they had a vision regarding chromosome replication, rather than actually finding anything out about those telomeres or whatever (again, for your reference:

on the flip side, of all the people to win the nobel prize for intent and purpose rather than result, i'm so happy it went to obama of all people. i mean, it could've been a lot worse, let's be honest here. i mean, what if oprah'd won? you KNOW we wouldn't ever hear the end of it. (and that's the other funny thing, i heart the oprah as well! just not necessarily her high horse...)

in the end, though, does this really change my perspective on barack, michelle, the whole gang? of course not. because, in the end, let's face it, I LOVE THE OBAMAS!!! let 'em reign, let 'em reign!

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Welcome, welcome, welcomelkajsflkasj!!!

hi everyone!

sigh. i'd like to (finally) introduce you to my BLOG!!! lkajsfdlkj! after years of just emailing my ever-ridiculous stories (often about absolutely nothing, let's be honest here) to ever-random collections of friends here and there, i've taken the liberty of compiling all my verbal vomit into one collective environment. i mean, what better way to KIT with all my BFFs in life, right? right. you're welcome in advance.

why now? having just moved for the third time in four years (ridic, I know), i figured this would be the best way to stay connected with my absolute FAVORITES plucked from anywhere and everywhere that i've been merrily traipsing about. i'm the first one to admit that i'm not the greatest at keeping in touch with people (i mean, the phone? please.), but that doesn't mean that i don't WANT to keep in touch. it's just not one of my finer qualities, thank you very much. for some reason, though, i'm so all over email's business, it's not even funny. so why not just compile all my otherwise mass-emailed stories/thoughts into one ridiculous blog?

and the title? sigh. i wish i could take credit for creation of the term "maliyacular". being the heavy advertiser of people that i know and absolutely LOVE, i must give credit where credit is due. so, hazel, thank you for coming up with such a delightful term... one of my favorites in life coining one of my absolute favorite terms in life... so FITTING! laksfdj! for those who haven't yet been absolutely blessed with my verbal vomit in email form, im hoping that as you continue to read this blog, you'll quickly come to realize what the heck is meant by "my own maliyacular". because, quite frankly, i cant really find words to describe it... basically the ONLY thing for which i can't find words to describe but that's just an aside.

with (all of) that said, id like to welcome, welcome, WELCOME you to my blog! sigh. a blog devoted to happiness, ridiculousness, nothingness... and everything else that can reasonably end with a "-ness", apparently...