Wednesday, May 9, 2012

My (Painful) Quest for Michelle Obama Arms

So this week has been the start of my entry into the wonderful world of yoga, by way of Groupon.

I'd purchased a Groupon for an unlimited month of Corepower Yoga here in Chicago quite a few months ago, but I'd been saving it up for when I could fully take advantage of it... gotta get my money's worth, after all! Since I'm actually in Chicago for the entire month (yes, I know. It's all very exciting.), I decided no time like the present to really hop on that whole yoga bandwagon.

No time like... halfway through the year to really realize how few of my New Year's goals have come to fruition just yet. Might as well make (at LEAST) an attempt to cross off that goal of... well, becoming strong is how I framed it in my initial blog post. Getting Michelle Obama arms would be another way of putting it. (Oh, have I shared? I'm only slightly obsessed with her. And her arms. Just saying.)

Sooo... off to yoga I went. To be perfectly honest, I was quite surprised with how eager I was to get started on this endeavor. I guess it's that yoga mat that I won at the Healthy Living Summit last year... seriously, doesn't it just make you SO HAPPY to look at?!

I mean, there had to be SOME other reason for the motivation and heightened excitement levels because, let's face it, my past yoga experiences haven't exactly been the prettiest things, to say the least.

Sigh. Let's just say not much changes over time apparently.

So I looked at my local Corepower's yoga schedule and decided upon a 7:15 PM class... just enough time for me to head out of work, take the bus to yoga, and get nicely settled in (if you don't know me, I am a freak about being on time... preferably early). Yoga Sculpt was the class... doesn't that sound so grand? I was totally ready, set, PUMPED for my endeavor. I could just FEEL my Michelle Obama arms developing, just from making the decision to attend a class called Yoga Sculpt alone.

Thankfully, I make it to the yoga studio in a reasonable amount of time (God bless NO TRAFFIC!) and... well, was a little thrown off. I mean... this place was PACKED. And I'd gotten there 25 minutes ahead of time! I couldn't believe the LINE that had formed to get into the actual studio itself (I wish I could've snapped a picture, but, well, I guess shamelessness does have SOME bounds). Anyway, turns out I wasn't the only one with the bright idea to wait till the VERY last day that my Groupon was valid to redeem it... seriously, there was legit NO ROOM in that studio by the time class started. I really was a little concerned I was going to topple right onto my neighbor... after all, this was my very first yoga experience in a VERY long time... toppling over was a reasonable concern, in my personal opinion.

Anyway, I get myself nicely set up (thankfully, because I'd gotten there earlier, I was actually able to snag a spot... who knew that would be a luxury?), eagerly helping myself to a little balance block thing and some free weights. Now, initially I was a little confused. Most people in the class were helping themselves to these measly three-pound weights.

I know, I know- that's EXACTLY what I was thinking. How bad can three-pound weights be?

Well, I quickly learned.

Pretty. Darn. Bad.

I mean, my GOD! As if the studio wasn't hot enough (that's what I was expecting, and kind of looking forward to, since it WAS hot yoga), our yoga instructor wanted to start pumping iron like it was nobody's business. I mean, what the f*ck! It was like rep after rep after rep after rep. While also doing squats, lunges, and these random warrior poses... on TOP of having to do like all these push-ups (ummm, again... What. The. F.).

Oh my God. Just reliving the experience is giving me a headache

I guess that's a step up from feeling like I'm going to puke and faint... which is definitely how I felt at various points throughout that class. I guess it didn't really help that all I'd eaten today was a PBJ sandwich, a granola bar, and a fun size Snickers bar (that IS one of the more delightful surprises of today... CorePower Yoga was celebrating its 10-year anniversary and... well, they were giving away free candy! How can one resist?!?!). But whatever... lessons learned for next time, I guess.

I mean, I GUESS! I don't know what else to do! I have a full month of this Groupon to use (and you KNOW I'm going to take full advantage! I hate letting things like that go to waste!)... and, well GOD, how I so want Michelle Obama arms. The things that inspire me, really... not health, not general well-being, not a feeling of zen-ness... nope. I mean, let's just cut to the chase... Michelle Obama arms. Pure and simple.

Let's just say... a whole lot of effort is going into these Michelle Obama arms. I mean, just LOOK:

That's right, my friends. Note the extreme color contrast of my tank top... the bottom is the dry portion. The rest... well, the rest is 100%, good ol'-fashioned SWEAT. (Complete with my standard "what the f*ck" look... because, let's be honest, this face couldn't be more fitting for this occasion.)

Oh my lord. What if I can't move tomorrow? What if I wake up and legit just cannot. get out. of bed?

Oh Michelle Obama arms, do come quickly. I just don't know how much more of this I can take...


  1. That is hilarious and amazing that you are actually going back friend! It takes a little bit of courage and a little bit of crazy. :) Have fun in your quest!

  2. Haha- thanks, Veena! I don't know if "amazing" is the right word... "ridiculous" may be more fitting, let's be honest here.