Monday, October 19, 2009

oprah gone ghetto fabulous... just reliving the moment, people!

sigh. i just saw a friend this weekend who conveniently mentioned that she was left off the email chain for my oprah extravaganzaranzadanzapalooza... oops. i went ahead and forwarded her that email today and, not going to lie, just reread the email in its entirety a few moments ago... and got SO EXCITED yet AGAIN whilst reliving the DREAM that can only be The OPRAH (what! WHAT!!!) that i figured i might as well just copy/paste yet another email for you guys to "get a feelin'" (hahah! get it?! blackeyed peas at the oprah block party??!aslfdkjals! please tell me you get the pun because im actually quite proud of it!!) of what it was like to be amidst the chaos that can only be an oprah block party... lakjsdflksj!

for your reference (you're welcome in advance :)...):

The morning started off… well. Early. I awoke at 5:15 AM (actually, my alarm was set for 5:15 but I woke up at 4:45 AM and just tossed and turned because, quite frankly, I was too excited). So I got to the corner of Michigan and Ohio by 6:20 AM (after triple checking to verify that the copy of my poem was in my purse in case I could read/sing it to The Oprah herself) which was awesome. I was within the first 250 people lined up!! Super excited because I knew knew KNEW I was going to get IN!! Eeee!

So we stood on that corner until 8 AM which was fine because that’s what we were expecting. Then, at precisely 8 AM, they let the first 500 people in to this area that would be our second holding area (we knew this going into this whole debacle)… okay, so this is where my life reached another new low. Literally, as soon as they lifted the ropes to let the first 500 people in, all these middle-aged women were CAREENING down Michigan… so of course I jetsetted down Michigan as well. I was mortified (my Strand bag was falling off my shoulder because it was laden with crap to get me through this whole day, my ponytail was quickly falling down) and I really REALLY hope I wasn’t caught on TV for that… it was like an Oprah crowd at its finest. But I didn’t care at the time. So we get to the second holding area and this is where things started to get interesting aka ghetto with a capital G.

So I understand that this was open to the public, and I knew that thousands of people were expected to show. But honestly, I couldn’t believe some of these women. I guess this is what happens when you get like 85,000 women all in one setting… catFIGHTS. Hahah. We’re like CRAMMED into this second holding area which we’ll be in until noon… and yet, we don’t have to be crammed in at all. There’s this WHOLE AREA cordoned off for the 500 people and the official people + security kept on being like, you need to back UP. Just BACK it UP. But NO ONE would listen because anytime the front people would back up, the back people would push past them. It was ridiculous. I was in like the third row so there was a lot of pushing/shoving going on. I guess it makes sense since these would be like the DIE HARD oprah-goers but STILL. Women were cursing, swatting each other with bags, poking each other (they say accidentally, I say deliberately) with umbrellas… oh, it was a sight. And a treat let’s be honest. Not to mention some of these women were full-on YELLING at the security people (ie: a very standard conversation went as follows: Official Oprah security man (quite possibly one of the most perfectly created men I’ve ever seen and I don’t think I notice that a lot so that’s saying a LOT): “Ma’am, you need to back UP. You’ll be in a different spot when you get in anyway so just back UP. There is plenty of space back there” and the woman would be like “I’ll move when the people behind me move.” Or “uh-uh I’m not moving I got up at 5 AM for this bull*expletive censored for work email*.” But the BEST was that some people decided to take it upon themselves to start faking HANDICAPS to get in early. One woman flipping went to Walgreens across the street and bought a CANE. And we definitely saw her “hobble” her way in, even though she had just run a good two blocks with the rest of us… and she wasn’t the only one. There was a man with a fake brace on his leg… needless to say, the crowd was MAD and everyone started chanting “Take him/her OUT. Take him/her OUT.” But it was stupid because the police weren’t even requiring a doctor’s note or anything… they were just letting them IN.

I mean, come ON people. ANYWAY. So 12 noon (when we were supposed to move to the final area as Oprah guests) comes and goes… 1 PM comes and goes… 2 PM rolls around, everyone is pi**ed OFF because 1. they were late letting us get through, 2. The sun was now BEAMING and we were hot (and still crammed like sardines) and the whole standing was starting to get old and 3. These Oprah people kept on trying to teach us all this damn choreographed dance “as a surprise for Oprah” and NO ONE was listening to them because everyone was PO’ed. It was ridiculous. So FINALLLY, they announce they’re going to let us get through (finally, right?) and we are THRILLED because we’re all like front and CENTER baby!!! But they know the crowd is a train wreck so they try to do this in as orderly a fashion as possible. Well, f that. That lasted about 2 mins (they were literally trying to funnel all these people into a single line). People started PUSHING (I literally couldn’t MOVE) and SHOVING… women were holding hands with their daughters or mothers or whatever and the security guards literally BROKE these hands APART (separating individuals from the people they came with) … I felt like I was on the Titanic and everyone’s just like holding on for dear life. I couldn’t believe it. And THEN, this guy literally took this woman OUT. And THEN, the woman’s daughter was like “oh no you didn’t just do that to my MOTHER!!” and started hitting the man… holy mother. It was out. Of. CONTROL.

FINALLY, we make our way inside, but we are still SO FLIPPING FAR from the stage because these VIPs with wristbands got the area closest to the stage. EVERYone was ANGRY. And it was SO funny because they were giving away free cell phones (typical Oprah flair right?) but they couldn’t get to the ENTIRE audience, of course. So these poor Oprah folks who were carrying around the Tmobile bags would get ACCOSTED by these people all clambering all over each other for an f’ing cell phone. It was out of CONTROL. For instance, they were handing out water and stuff and people would come by and be like “water? Water anyone?” and these people would be like “We don’t want no water! We want those PHONES” And then, these poor choreographers STILL kept on trying to get us to learn this dance that I will never forget and they literally called out to our section… they were like “Section 3! Come on! Let’s RIPPLE! Let’s SLIDE!” and everyone in my section was like “You get us some phones and we’ll start that ripple…” (in a VERY attitude-like tone) and the like. It was SO FUNNY because everyone in the front was so HAPPY just because they didn’t have to wake early, were standing like right in front of the stage etc… so of course they were dancing along merrily (they’re the ones youll be seeing on TV).

So anyway. Another couple of fights later… the show begins and Oprah’s a mere dot to me. And I was like in the FRONT of all the general admission people. I cant even imagine what it was like three blocks down. Ridiculous. But, I must admit, the choreographed dance thing went pretty amazingly (youll know what im talking about if you watch the show) and the black eyed peas were AMAZING (and im not even the biggest fan of them)… they got the crowd super energized so that was awesome. And seeing Oprah get so excited (she really did seem surprised about the dance!) really pumped me up even more, which is pathetic but true. And now I’m even more motivated to get tix to her show!!! I still love Oprah!!! Hahaha.

So. 13 hours later, I made my way back home. My feet were actually SORE from standing that whole FLIPPING TIME. And I wasn’t bitter at all. Haha. Well maybe a little bit. But still. It was definitely worth it for some ghetto fabulous entertainment (from the crowd). And it was cool to see Chicago lined up down Michigan Ave… once in a lifetime and all that. But still. I mean seriously. This is a slightly different email from the one I was expecting to write to you guys after going to the show (that one was drafted to involve “Holy MOTHER! I MET OPRAH!! We got pictures (attached here) and we’re going to hang out tomorrow!!”) but oh well. Hahah. I’m actually more entertained than dejected by this debacle, to be quite honest. I mean, the ghettoness of the situation. You can’t make this stuff up people!!! Hahahahah

Okay! Miss you! Love you! Hugs and kisses!

sigh. life reaching new lows? and check.

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