Sunday, May 16, 2010

the freeze week diet

can i just tell you how annoyed i get with all these ridiculous fad diets, diet pills, weight loss surgeries, etc that seem to crop up on a daily basis? i mean, it's just. not. healthy. not like im the screaming image of health (yes, i will occasionally still eat a cookie for breakfast), but still. im a firm believer that in order to lose weight, it's gotta be a LIFESTYLE change... words of wisdom that i heard a few years ago from the one and only... jennifer aniston. sigh. i wish people would start taking her a little more seriously. i mean, she's more than just a pretty face and she really deserves a lot more respect from the media than has been given to her after that whole brangelina debacle (ugh, don't even GET me started on THAT shady snafu of a relationship).

ah, but i digress.

okay, so as far as diets are concerned, you clearly know where i stand. no diet will be as fulfilling nor as sustainable as a lifestyle change toward healthier choices. disclaimer: done. HOWEVER, if you MUST continue to be tempted by the diet route, do i have the diet for you. 100% effective, 0% recommended (i mean, it's essentially inadvertent starvation. but whatever). id like to take this opportunity to unveil, in all its glory... da da daaaaa... the freeze week diet.

ah freeze week. what could freeze week possibly mean? well, let's just say that, for my job, any issues that are encountered with these databases we work with throughout the month MUST be resolved come mid-month for reporting purposes. in other words, it's crunch time, BABY!

ive noticed that it's around this time of the month (freeze week, just to clarify for all those guys reading this who were likely bracing for a VERY awkward blog post... haha) that my stomach gets a little bit flatter, my charlie brown cheeks a tad gaunter, my pants just that much baggier... well, you get the idea. i always just thought this was finally starting to be the result of my exercise regimen and healthier (not quite healthy, just yet, let's be honest here, i can always eat a cupcake :)) eating habits. but then, sigh, somehow, my stomach would somehow plump back up, cheeks would resume their... well, shall we say, natural fullness, and the pants would resume standard fitting norms.

it was only after this most recent mid-month time that it totally dawned on me: freeze week. freeze week was totally the secret.

i mean, let's be honest, when stress levels are heightened, nothing will get in the way of me and my work. and by nothing, i mean... nothing. i will work more hours in lieu of running (which, let's face it, i CAN'T skimp out on now! one week without running and im DYING after attempting a mile... i dont have time for this kind of reversion... i have a 5k next week!)... i will refrain from drinking water (which, believe it or not, ive actually started doing now) because i dont have time to go to the kitchen to refill my bottle (although, on a brighter note, i will also refrain from drinking coffee for the same 'lack of time to go to the kitchen' reasoning, which i guess is a good thing)... i will skip/forget about lunch due to the all-too-quickly-approaching deadline... i will eat something along the lines of pita chips for dinner as i will have no time to go to the grocery store after work... well, you get the idea.

how in the world do i concentrate, with so little sustenance? here's the beauty of this week- half the time my stomach is in knots, consumed with the terror of missing some sort of data check (glamorous, i know), SO i dont really even NOTICE my lack of food/water intake! a-mazing, right?? i mean, isn't this the secret formula to any and every diet??

man, i must sound like the most stable person alive, at this point. but whatever. all i have to say is, come the end of freeze week, i sometimes just gaze in the mirror, pat my nicely flattened stomach and think, "wow. i certainly am looking GOOD these days!" i did that just this past friday, in fact. haha. juuust kidding. well. okay, so im not kidding. im actually sadly, very sadly, serious. (oh god, this totally isn't helping my whole push for coming across as the picture of stability, is it?)

but whatever. complete and total vanity aside, at least i can find the positives involved with the beauty of freeze week, right?

in gratitude of freeze week-

1 comment:

  1. "wow. i certainly am looking GOOD these days!" ...thanks for reminding me of how i truly enjoy the confidence that the people at our table exude =p