Sunday, November 1, 2009

Halloween Choose your Own Adventure

okay, to start off, im not the biggest halloween person in the world. now, dont get me wrong- i used to LOVE it when i was a kid... man, we did halloween right back in the day. screw those miniscule jack-o-lantern buckets... we went straight for the pillowcases (sturdier, LARGER, etc.). and the candy... you just can't go wrong! and even if you did, you always had your friends with whom you JUST went trick or treating to do the mass divide and trade process at the end of the night (you know what i mean: "ill trade you my mini-Butterfinger for two of your Blowpops..." etc etc).

sigh. and then college came around... and halloween got real skankified, real quick. and yes, i know. i judge. but come ON. why do people try so HARD sometimes? argh. i am a firm believer that we were all meant to live in sweats throughout the better course of our lifetime. but whatever. that's just me. side note.

with sunita in town this weekend, i knew i was going to be in for a real treat (haha get it? treat? trick or TREAT? anyway). to be perfectly honest, i was actually a little nervous about how saturday night was going to pan out! i can't do this whole all-out crazy party thing that she used to know and love so well! and in a costume? please.

i think i need to backtrack a little... paint a little picture if you will, of a couple of my college halloween costume experiences (and sunita's subsequent involvement)...

costume #1: so one year, i had the brilliant idea of going as a cowgirl! i mean, midwestern girl gone cowgirl? how difficult can that be? so, with the essence of the costume being my red bandanna (worn as a headband, for some degree of fashion's sake, i think), i proceed out on the mean streets of ohio state's north campus. all was fine and dandy until i run into dear old sunita who, oh so lovingly, tackles me with her hug and then eagerly asks "what are you supposed to be? aunt jemima?" the sad thing is- she was serious (and quite hearty about it). it didn't help that another friend burst out laughing and enthusiastically agreed. so, that year, the cowgirl costume took a horribly wrong, horribly weird aunt jemima turn... and i havent lived it down since.

costume #2: i went as "ghetto"- brilliant, in my opinion. you know.. black sweats (with one leg rolled up halfway up the shin), a white wifebeater layered with a gray wifebeater, high ponytail, backwards hat... the works. i mean, i know im pretty ghetto as it is so i figured this wasnt going to be too far from the truth. and i was actually able to go OUT in SWEATS!! aalksfj! it doesnt get any better, really. i guess i kind of ruined the essence (the essence being just the general nature of being ghetto) of THAT costume by spouting "im an adjective! im an adjective! guess what adjective i am!" to anyone who asked what my costume was... yeah. with statements like that, i think the essence of the ghettoness was quickly lost...

now you can probably see how the essence of halloween costume joy is completely lost upon me. so THIS year, i just decided to recycle the ghetto costume (and by recycle, i mean, go to target and buy gray and white tanks because i dont know what happened to my tanks from five years ago... probably a good thing, but whatever) and add a new touch- a headband! but wrapped around my forehead, not my hair. i mean, if i had to choose between cowgirl gone aunt jemima or ghetto, of course im going to stick with ghetto! at least people knew who i was!

"was" is the key word.

i knew things were off to a bad start when i meet sunita and her husband, nevin, in the lobby of the hotel in which they were staying... and im reading a book. i cant help it! i carry a book everywhere i go! but i guess it didnt really go with the costume. sigh. anyway. that was soon to be the least of my concerns. because both sunita and nevin are rather quick to point out that i look more like an 80s fitness instructor than the adjective i so aspired to be. 80s FITNESS INSTRUCTOR?! WTF, i know. RIGHT? argh. so they had their laughs, all was merry. i decided to shovel my headband (the essence of this year's costume, if you will) from my forehead into my hair to complete the transformative experience to 80s fitness instructor. from the hotel, we head off to this pre-party, and i canNOT stop shifting my headband from my forehead to my hair and back again, as i am still at a crossroads of indecision of whether i should still try to be ghetto or just fully embrace the 80s fitness instructor appeal. well, i dont know what happened. but i lost my headband. i LOST my HEADBAND! The Loss of the Essence, if you will. i was sad, tears were shed, i moved along.

i mean, with the essence being lost so early ON in the night, some things had to quickly change. why not formulate a new theme for the night, right? and, of course, who DOESN'T like a challenge on halloween, right? thus came about my brilliant idea for the grand costume multiple choice test... which was readily enacted once we were well into this whole pre-party business and only continued in a slightly escalated form at empire liquors or wherever the heck we ended up. (all i know is that i was in wicker park AGAIN despite having frequented this neighborhood, which is as out of the way as it gets from lincoln park, for three weekends in a row. but whatever. side note.) you would think that i would only give people two choices in this grand costume multiple choice test: ghetto or 80s fitness instructor. but no. hell, if the aim was to be an adjective, might as well toss another adjective right on in there: "comfortable". (trust me, of all things, THAT i was. i really think clubs/bars should revise a few dress code policies to incorporate sweatpants. i mean, if they're black pants, how different do they REALLY look as compared to normal "clubbing pants" or whatever?) so, by the end of the night, my multiple choice test turned out to actually be rather lengthy! because of COURSE, with THAT many options, i also had to add an "all of the above, none of the above" component! hello! and, THEN, it was so nice to befriend one random fella with my multiple choice test because he even came up with his very own CHOICE! (granted, he was wasted and his choice was kind of inappropriate for my innocent ears but at least he was embracing the general newfound essence of the costume multiple choice test!)

so, are you keeping track? by the end of the night, the costume multiple choice test had fully evolved such that we now had:


A) Ghetto
B) 80s fitness instructor
C) Comfortable
D) All of the above
E) None of the above or
F) Create your own adjective!

kind of like a whole Halloween Choose Your Own Adventure, if you will...

and oh, what an adventure it was.

1 comment:

  1. u are a goofball but i love it :)

    ReplyDelete