Sunday, January 9, 2011

spanx and fried chicken

with a title like that, you KNOW that im only like the most dainty and ladylike person ever. now i know what you all must be thinking... what in the WORLD could those two things possibly have in common?

easy peasy. they are only two of my most favorite things. ever.

and that is probably the ONLY thing that those two things have in common. haha.

this idea for a post came up earlier this week, when my team at work and i went out for lunch at grand lux (which is basically the same thing as cheesecake factory... a TON of options and HUMONGOUS portions). anyway, it had been a while since i had been out for a big lunch so why NOT go all out? and i'd never had the fried chicken platter at grand lux before and GOD, for some reason, fried chicken sounded so tempting that day. how was i supposed to know that they were going to be bringing out like a whole bucket of chicken... plus mashed potatoes... plus cole slaw? this is not my problem. it's not like i ASKED them for six sizable pieces of chicken plus enough mashed potatoes to feed a small family plus cole slaw (which i don't eat anyway... it's vegetables, isn't it?). anyway, i was quite excited to dig right in. but i could only get so far as 1.5 pieces of the fried chicken and a couple of bites of mashed potatoes. okay, granted i have a small appetite. but i really think that, typically, fried chicken would fall into the exception to that rule category. not that day, though. why not? because that day, my dear friends, that day... i'd decided to wear my spanx to the office.

now, don't get me wrong. i dont wear my spanx on an everyday basis. they are much too constricting for regular use. but that day, i'd decided to wear the spanx to the office, to suck in my stomach after a big lunch just the day before. sigh. oh the science behind the spanx, really. anyway, MAN. it was all very disappointing just how restrictive the spanx turned out to be for my fried chicken feast. i just couldn't FIT the fried chicken anywhere between the sucking in of the spanx.

so. spanx + fried chicken + me? really? are you surprised? many are when they first find out, actually. however...

okay, the spanx we'll get to in a second. let's start with the fried chicken bit. GOD I LOVE FRIED CHICKEN. hahahah. i guess you guys were expecting something a little bit more substantive than that. oh well. what're you going to do? here's the thing- it's not like i eat fried chicken everyDAY or anything. in fact, i probably eat it like once or twice a year, if that. however, it's one of those things that i truly do relish on the rare occasions that i consume it. and yes, i'm DEFINITELY one of those people who would just eat the skin if i could because, i mean, really, the meat part of the fried chicken is just not that exciting to me... not like the breaded, deep fried goodness that only the skin could provide... yum, im salivating just thinking of it. haha.

next, let's discuss the wonders and glories of SPANX. have you heard of these things? if you are a woman, you most definitely should have heard of it by now. if you are a guy... well, ive tried to do my part to educate some of the guys i know about the wonders and glories of this invention, but i think they simply get uncomfortable. haha. sigh. it's that whole inability to develop a filter that really gets me, sometimes. but whatever. openness and honesty and all that, right? right. anyway, spanx are basically this garment that kind of looks like pantyhose but is SO much more magical than pantyhose. they literally hit at your ribcage and go to mid-thigh and literally suck you in to a model-like form. well, kind of, but whatever you get the idea. did you know that beyonce wears TWO layers of spanx at LEAST when she's performing? and oprah wears spanx everyDAY?! okay, granted i dont go that far (i cant AFFORD multiple layers of spanx... it's expensive for magical undergarments... and i cant even imagine feeling that constricted on a daily basis, let's be honest), but i must admit that the times i do wear the spanx, i have this restored confidence in myself. haha. oh who am i kidding? im fairly self-confident as it is. but i think for me, the most magical part of the spanx is that it really helps with my posture, for some reason. i dont think they're designed to do so, but i do find myself sitting up straighter, more "naturally" throwing my shoulders back... haha well, whatever. ill stop providing way too much detail.

anyway, there you have it, my friends. just another day, just another blog post, just another divulge of way too much information... welcome to the maliyacular at. its. finest.

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