Yoga Sculpt - Round 2... Yeah, It Really Doesn't Get Much Better the Second Time Around

Well, my friends. Here we are again. Another week... another yoga experience.

I hadn't been to yoga this whole week because of other things going on during the week. I was actually kind of craving my yoga class this evening... seriously, that detox feeling that you get after one of these classes is a-ddicting. So after one loooong week, you better believe that I was eagerly awaiting that yoga class of mine this evening.

After last week's disastrous Yoga Sculpt experience, I'd decided to just stick with the regular hot yoga classes. You know, kind of EASE my way into the whole yoga world, if you will.And thankfully, the class that I was going to make it in time for was just that (per the online schedule that had been posted)... sweet deal. Just some stretching and strengthening, but NO WEIGHTS.

Wahoo! I was totally down.

Yeah, that lasted until precisely the moment I stepped into the yoga studio and headed towards the front desk to check in... where one of the instructors was informing one of the other students who had just arrived that the 7:15 PM class got switched at the last minute to... that's right.

A Yoga Sculpt class.

I swear... sometimes, I really think God is just looking down on me and... well, having Himself a nice little chuckle, if you will.

Well, what was I supposed to do? As much as the thought of Yoga Sculpt... well, frankly, terrified me... I hated the thought of having made it all the way to the studio only to wimp out. I wanted my body cleanse/detox for the day!

Carpe diem and all that.

That's right, folks. I was going to stick it out.

Three-pound weights... I WILL conquer you today.

Ha.

I swear, I don't know where my mind goes. I really think I'm warped sometimes. Because for some reason, I really get it in my head that I'm quite strong when, I mean... if you read that last blog post, you KNOW that's not the case. So the class actually started out just fine and dandy. We really eased into the session and... oh! I can't believe I've waited this long to tell you! The yoga instructor... was definitely from Ohio!! Weee!!

Now, if you know me at all... you know I love me all things Ohio! (Okay, that's an exagg. I don't love ALL things Ohio. But I do have a soft spot in my heart for Ohioans.) Granted, this girl was from the Mistake by the Lake (Cleveland), but whatever. She at least had the home state down pat.

Anyway, so that little bond really helped my motivation levels (again, I swear. Some of the things that motivate me? Not very well understood.) to start off. But... well, as the class progressed, I swear, this yoga instructor's chipper, encouraging voice just started... well, not going to lie- I was getting a little annoyed!

I mean, COME ON! How many f'ing lunges can people do with free weights in their hands? And reps? Again, come ON. How many reps do people really NEED to do? I swear, everytime I thought it was going to be the "last" set, this darn instructor would be like "Okay, guys! Just ten more... you can do it! Just ten more!" *Pauses for a few seconds while we've gone through two reps and then begins counting* "Ten, nine..." And let me tell YOU- when it comes to yoga sculpt, those extra two reps are felt in every. way. possible.

Honestly, there was one point where we were in plank position on our mats doing these push-up type things, focusing on breathing, focusing on... well, not dying, in my case. So, after like a million of these, the yoga instructor is like "Okay! Just five more... YOU can DO it!" (I swear... that voice... that TONE... sends chills down my spine even now) and well, we're all pretty much dying. I mean, I know you're supposed to focus on your breathing and all that, but honestly. That's a lot to keep track of when your primary focus is centered around not dying. Anyway, so we get through those last five just fine (well, that's another exagg but whatever) and I'm honestly ready to collapse- quite proud of myself for having really pushed through that last set.

Untillll... that damn yoga instructor immediately is like "Okay! Let's kick it up a notch! Come on, guys! You're doing great! You're almost through it! Let's do mountain climbers!" or something like that. First off- "let's kick it up a notch"?!?!?! What the f were we doing before?!? Secondly- well, I don't know about you but to me, no good can come of any activity termed "mountain climbers". I mean, if you were really interested in climbing mountains... well, go climb one. It was at this point that I literally just sat back on my knees and literally just STARED at the yoga instructor as she started going into this set of what looked like a godawful combination of lunges while in a plank pose.

To be perfectly honest, I didn't even feel guilty about just sitting there and staring (and not even attempting). I believe my exact thoughts were, "Seriously? Seriously." coupled with a few "You have GOT to be kidding me"'s... you know, just to mix it up a bit.

Sigh. Needless to say, round two of Yoga Sculpt? Not exactly a shining moment in my life. Quite the opposite in fact... a train wreck gone zen, if you will.

And yet... yet, after all that... that's right. As I was heading to the bus stop after class, I was getting all ready, set, pumped for tomorrow's yoga class.

Sometimes, I swear, I'm a masochist at heart.

Till next time...

My (Painful) Quest for Michelle Obama Arms

So this week has been the start of my entry into the wonderful world of yoga, by way of Groupon.

I'd purchased a Groupon for an unlimited month of Corepower Yoga here in Chicago quite a few months ago, but I'd been saving it up for when I could fully take advantage of it... gotta get my money's worth, after all! Since I'm actually in Chicago for the entire month (yes, I know. It's all very exciting.), I decided no time like the present to really hop on that whole yoga bandwagon.

No time like... halfway through the year to really realize how few of my New Year's goals have come to fruition just yet. Might as well make (at LEAST) an attempt to cross off that goal of... well, becoming strong is how I framed it in my initial blog post. Getting Michelle Obama arms would be another way of putting it. (Oh, have I shared? I'm only slightly obsessed with her. And her arms. Just saying.)

Sooo... off to yoga I went. To be perfectly honest, I was quite surprised with how eager I was to get started on this endeavor. I guess it's that yoga mat that I won at the Healthy Living Summit last year... seriously, doesn't it just make you SO HAPPY to look at?!

I mean, there had to be SOME other reason for the motivation and heightened excitement levels because, let's face it, my past yoga experiences haven't exactly been the prettiest things, to say the least.

Sigh. Let's just say not much changes over time apparently.

So I looked at my local Corepower's yoga schedule and decided upon a 7:15 PM class... just enough time for me to head out of work, take the bus to yoga, and get nicely settled in (if you don't know me, I am a freak about being on time... preferably early). Yoga Sculpt was the class... doesn't that sound so grand? I was totally ready, set, PUMPED for my endeavor. I could just FEEL my Michelle Obama arms developing, just from making the decision to attend a class called Yoga Sculpt alone.

Thankfully, I make it to the yoga studio in a reasonable amount of time (God bless NO TRAFFIC!) and... well, was a little thrown off. I mean... this place was PACKED. And I'd gotten there 25 minutes ahead of time! I couldn't believe the LINE that had formed to get into the actual studio itself (I wish I could've snapped a picture, but, well, I guess shamelessness does have SOME bounds). Anyway, turns out I wasn't the only one with the bright idea to wait till the VERY last day that my Groupon was valid to redeem it... seriously, there was legit NO ROOM in that studio by the time class started. I really was a little concerned I was going to topple right onto my neighbor... after all, this was my very first yoga experience in a VERY long time... toppling over was a reasonable concern, in my personal opinion.

Anyway, I get myself nicely set up (thankfully, because I'd gotten there earlier, I was actually able to snag a spot... who knew that would be a luxury?), eagerly helping myself to a little balance block thing and some free weights. Now, initially I was a little confused. Most people in the class were helping themselves to these measly three-pound weights.

I know, I know- that's EXACTLY what I was thinking. How bad can three-pound weights be?

Well, I quickly learned.

Pretty. Darn. Bad.

I mean, my GOD! As if the studio wasn't hot enough (that's what I was expecting, and kind of looking forward to, since it WAS hot yoga), our yoga instructor wanted to start pumping iron like it was nobody's business. I mean, what the f*ck! It was like rep after rep after rep after rep. While also doing squats, lunges, and these random warrior poses... on TOP of having to do like all these push-ups (ummm, again... What. The. F.).

Oh my God. Just reliving the experience is giving me a headache

I guess that's a step up from feeling like I'm going to puke and faint... which is definitely how I felt at various points throughout that class. I guess it didn't really help that all I'd eaten today was a PBJ sandwich, a granola bar, and a fun size Snickers bar (that IS one of the more delightful surprises of today... CorePower Yoga was celebrating its 10-year anniversary and... well, they were giving away free candy! How can one resist?!?!). But whatever... lessons learned for next time, I guess.

I mean, I GUESS! I don't know what else to do! I have a full month of this Groupon to use (and you KNOW I'm going to take full advantage! I hate letting things like that go to waste!)... and, well GOD, how I so want Michelle Obama arms. The things that inspire me, really... not health, not general well-being, not a feeling of zen-ness... nope. I mean, let's just cut to the chase... Michelle Obama arms. Pure and simple.

Let's just say... a whole lot of effort is going into these Michelle Obama arms. I mean, just LOOK:

That's right, my friends. Note the extreme color contrast of my tank top... the bottom is the dry portion. The rest... well, the rest is 100%, good ol'-fashioned SWEAT. (Complete with my standard "what the f*ck" look... because, let's be honest, this face couldn't be more fitting for this occasion.)

Oh my lord. What if I can't move tomorrow? What if I wake up and legit just cannot. get out. of bed?

Oh Michelle Obama arms, do come quickly. I just don't know how much more of this I can take...