Ugh. Sick AND Grumpy (well, kind of).

Let me preface this post with two disclaimers:

1. This post is completely the opposite of the tone of typical Maliyacular posts. So, if you are expecting a post filled with merriment and sunshine, well I am sorry but you can just plain forget about it. Kind of!!

2. I never get sick. Ever.

Anyway! :)

So, have you heard about this weather in Chicago lately?

I know, right? Trust me, this isn't going to be some boring old weather report. No, ladies and gents. You are lucky enough to be treated to a post filled with all kinds of things anti-merriment and sunshine today.

Let me just start off with saying that I. Hate. Rain. I hate it so much, in fact, that I lost my umbrella about a month ago and refused to buy another one because I figured "how often does it ACTUALLY rain during the grandest season of allll, Fallll?" (Seriously. I actually VOICED that thought process to a few people.)

Pretty darn often, actually. Trust me, this is NOT a pleasant revelation. Let's just say that I have since reconsidered my original plan to go without an umbrella until Thanksgiving (when I go home and can steal one from my parents... yes, I am this cheap). This reconsideration began a week ago- last Thursday to be exact.

Remember last Thursday? The day a monsoon basically barreled itself right on through Chicago? WTF, right? Anyway, so although I didn't have an umbrella, I figured I'd be okay since I was wearing my hooded, down vest. This was all fine and good for my hair, but... well, forget about the rest of my body.

I. Was. Drenched.

Not to mention UN-happy.

Because I am the greatest decision-maker ever, I decided to go out Thursday night... still amidst the rain... still sans an umbrella. After proceeding to get four hours of sleep Thursday night, I was just plain exhausted come Friday. And trust me- I wasn't exactly Miss Sunshine and Smiles. I actually was thinking to myself: "Is this what it's LIKE to be GRUMPY?" (I'm very self-aware, can you tell? Hahaha)

Anyway, I cancelled my Friday plans to stay in and rest and relax. My plan was to go to sleep super early to get back on my normal, happy-go-lucky Miss Mary Sunshine way of life.

Um. Note to self: a Cosby Show marathon playing in the background is NO way to be lulled to sleep. Now, don't get me wrong! Normally, I have no problems whatsoever dozing off with the TV in the background. But... well, the Cosby Show is just so GOOD! And every episode just kept getting funnier and funnier! This is not my fault.

So much for going to sleep early on Friday. Whatever, I had the whole weekend to catch up on my rest and relaxation. And boy, did I ever rest. I feel like I slept more than a dead person. But oh well. It clearly didn't really help all that much, because come Monday, I still wasn't feeling 100%.

It certainly did NOT help that all these weather reports were forecasting some Godawful storms/monsoons. @nbcchicago tweeted: "Brace yourself, #Chicago. The next big storm of the season is headed our way"; @todayshow tweeted: "20-25 foot waves forecast for...Chicago."

Upon seeing weather reports of this kind, I decided to do the responsible thing and go on the hunt for an umbrella last night. And sweet success! I found one!

Unfortunately, I'd just hurriedly purchased it from Walgreen's and... well, I'm no brand snob, but I guess Walgreen's umbrella quality standards are pretty minimal. I mean, I literally walked out this morning, all confident to brave this Godawful weather (seriously- when did monsoons start actually happening in Chicago?). I walk out my door, open that umbrella of mine, walk about four feet when (no joke), this damn umbrella just turned itself right on inside out.

Awesome. It didn't take me long to reverse that damage and continue along... about another four feet. When the SAME thing happened. Again. I hadn't even gotten to the end of my BLOCK.

By this point, my frustration levels were peaked (I have zero patience when it comes to rain/wind/weather extremes in general). So, after all that hunting for an umbrella last night (okay, maybe I could have exerted a LITTLE more effort, but whatever), I just closed my umbrella right on up and sped-walked to my bus stop. It just wasn't worth it with all this wind nonsense.

GOD, and to top it all OFF, I could barely even breathe by the time I got to the office, because my nose was all stuffed up. And it's amazing how achy one can start to feel in the course of like a half hour.

And that, my friends, is when I just came to terms with it.

I am officially sick...

... and kind of grumpy about it! I'm not gonna lie! It's kind of an interesting experience for me, actually. A sociological experiment, if you will. ;)

"...i know, RIGHT?! dude, did you see the way he just peaced on OUTTA that joint? hella rude if you ask me. he must think he's a grip of SICK..."

you know, i never realized how much my maliyacular has some inherent californian roots. until, that is, i was chatting away with one of my current (midwestern) coworkers on instant messenger and all of a sudden she whipped out this whole "alright im about to peace outta here" and i was SO EXCITED because i hadnt heard ANYONE else say that in my nine months back in the midwest. upon excitedly letting her know that i was so happy to FINALLY hear someone else on par with my daily vocabulary, there was a slightly awkward thirty second pause (a long time in IM world!) before she was like "oh, you didnt get it? i picked it up from you".

oh. aw man. why cant i just speak NORMALLY? oh who am i kidding. i love the spread o the maliyacular! although, i have to admit, much of my maliyacular is traceable to a wide variety of individual roots. dont get me wrong, im as creative as they come (hello people, who are we kidding here), but im not going to steal credit where credit is very darn well due. even maliyacular wasnt of my own accord... hazel w is the sole creator of that one. (no worries, i'll be dedicating another blog post of mine to the wonders and glories of the hazel herself soon enough).

anyway, it was actually as i was talking to hazel this fine evening that i realized just how MUCH of my maliyacular has some california roots. therefore, this post is devoted to... the maliyacular's californian roots... (now, dont get confused, these are not the SOLE components of the maliyacular... just a few prominent components that i picked up on the west coast that, apparently, is quite foreign in the midwest)

peace

definition/usage: i know what youre probably thinking. i lived in sf... peace love and happiness and all that hippie jazz. well, sure. but if anyone knows me, im pretty much as straight up gangsta as the next gal pal (the fact that i used gangsta and gal pal in the same sentence should really tell you something about the success of my ghetto attempts) SO, in my maliyacular, "peace" is more of a term of farewell.

stellar examples: "aight* dude, im 'bout to peace" or "alright, im about to peace outta here" or "man he peaced the HELL outta there as soon as he heard about that"... well, you get the idea right? i mean, i guess you could also just leave it at "peace" but me? depart on one word? please.

kudos: the funny thing is i picked this one up while i was in california but one of my friends from new york (JESS!!! heart and SOUL!!!!) started saying it and well, the next thing you know, 100% incorporation into the maliyacular.

*aight = "alright" in case you arent down with urban dictionary... hahahaha

i know RIGHT

definition/usage: emphatic agreement, leaving no room for questions

stellar examples: "man, will smith is the finest thing alive"... "i know, right? RIGHT?!" - as you can see, this example provides pretty much an undisputed fact, so the emphatic addition of the "RIGHT?!" after the natural "i know, right?" phrase is 100% acceptable and appropriate

kudos: this guy i used to work with, jackson, was only one of the funnier people ive met in my life and would literally use this phrase all. the. time, while i worked on his project. i really dont think he even meant for it to be funny- it was just such a natural component of his speech. perhaps because he was so funny himself, he kind of made this phrase so humorous to me. i cant help that ive valley girl'ed the tone of it to a tee of nothing short of perfection.

dude

definition/usage: to refer to any man/woman/child. this word knows no bounds. well, okay, maybe you shouldnt be using it on children. but any man or woman, sure. well, maybe you shouldnt use it with your boss or your grandmother... well, whatever use your best judgment- im just here to supply the words, not to guide your OWN maliyacular...

stellar examples: "DUDE! do you know alma?? she and i just spent about the entire morning talking about our love for you... i cant believe you knew her in sf!!" - please note that i am talking to hazel in this particular exchange. hazel is female.

"dude, shut UP" - please note that i am talking to my coworkers steve and brian in this particular exchange. steve and brian are male.

i hope these examples more clearly demonstrate the unisex nature of this term.

kudos: i actually dont even remember who/where i picked this up from. all i know is that it is un-f'ing- common to hear people use it in the midwest. thank goodness for alma (who is referenced in the above quote), a recent midwestern transplant from the bay area and, quite frankly, the only other person i know here who actually uses such a fabulous term on a regular basis.

sick

definition/usage: awesome, cool, sweet

stellar examples: "have you ever MET evan?? he's so SICK" - please note, usage of this word is HIGHLY dependent on your tone, as you never want to spark a frenzy of concern that evan is sick in a health-related sense. i dont capitalize such emphasized words for no reason, my friends.

kudos: given the above example, of COURSE youll know that i learned this from the one and only evan f himself... only pretty much one of my favorite people ALIVE, evan's the definition of awesomeness/coolness/sweetness. therefore, if HE'S using this word in a non-health related sense, you KNOW it's only pretty much THE thing to be doing. while i havent incorporated such terminology as frequently as the aforemntioned couple of words, it's definitely stuck with me and im going to renew my focus on said incorporation into my maliyacular.

grip

definition/usage: a LOT of something or other

stellar examples: "man, oprah sure does have a grip of cash"

kudos: okay i was just introduced to this word today so give me a break for having a slightly lame "stellar example" here. once i start incorporating it on a more regular basis, im sure its usage will ease into a more natural state. again, of course, i have no one but haze the craze to thank for this one. hazel, i owe a grip of gratitude to you... sigh, it'll flow more naturally in a few more weeks. im going to make a concentrated effort to use this once a day to get it firmly ingrained into my maliyacular as well...

hella

definition: extremely, very much so

stellar examples: "that was one hella buggin wave"

kudos: okay, so maybe i just added the buggin part. but the hella being used to describe a wave sounds pretty on par with californians themselves, right? i think the buggin part came from too many viewings of clueless... BUT in my DEFENSE, clueless DOES take place in california... there we go. hmm, hella. i actually dont know from WHOM i picked up this phrase... hmm. i raise an interesting question actually... ill continue to ponder that one and let you know asap... im sure youll be waiting on the edge of your seat...

so, in conclusion, by all means, please feel free to take the above references and incorporate them into your OWN maliyacular! perhaps you can start out with a sentence like... "...i know, RIGHT?! dude, did you see the way he just peaced on OUTTA that joint? hella rude if you ask me. he must think he's a grip of SICK the way he just strutted on out. ugh please- i do NOT think so."

alksdfjlksdjf!@!! what do you think?!?!?!? im actually rather proud of this concoction!!!