Goodbye TV... Hello, iPhone...

Hi friends!! It's been sooo long, trust me, I know. While I have limited to no justification for not keeping up with my blog, I would like to chalk SOME of the blame up to that two week stint we called the Olympics... how anyone is expected to do anything but keep one's eyes glued to an NBC channel of sorts is beyond me.

Anyway! I'm back! To be fair... I've been pretty lazy the past few weeks- I haven't really done anything that actually warrants a blog post... granted, that's never stopped me from yapping about nothing in the past, but whatever.

So why the sudden return to blogging? Well, aside from the fact that it is, in fact, one of my favorite things (I swear! It is!)... I have to chalk this return to... my defunct television.

I came home Friday emotionally, mentally and physically drained (God bless what corporate America can do to people)... all ready and set just to PARK it in front of my television for the en-tire evening (despite the GORGEOUS weather Chicago's been having as of late!). Well... this plan would have worked out just fine and dandy if, lo and behold, I hadn't turned on my television set like immediately after entering my apartment only to find that, while I can see the picture perfectly clearly, there was zero audio. Wtf (and yes, for those of you who know my ditzy ways well enough, I DID check the Mute button, thank you very much).

Argh. It was the last thing I wanted to deal with on a Friday evening. A quick call to Best Buy (where I bought the TV three years ago... I didn't know who else to call!) and I realized that, not only did the TV need to be taken in for inspection (I was hoping they could just identify and fix the problem over the phone... sigh) but I had to take it in myself (since my TV was less than 46 inches).

What the...

If you know me at all, you know I lack a lot of general common sense/practicality in my personal life. So there I was, just staring at my 26-inch TV, truly contemplating how the hell I was expected to lug that thing half a mile to my neighborhood Best Buy store.

Note to self- trying to shovel a 26-inch TV into a paper Gap bag is NOT the solution.

Well, WHAT?! I had limited resources in which to lug something so large around! Next try...

Believe it or not... this did the trick.I didn't think this was actually going to work, but my TV certainly DID end up squeezing into the largest piece of luggage that I owned. Sigh, this is like the DEFINITION of ghetto, right? But oh well... creativity does have its perks, I guess. Ugh, but look at what a hot MESS emptying my suitcase caused! Again, not the way I was planning on spending my Friday night.

Anyway, so I ended up (carefully) dragging that suitcase to my lobby and hailing a cab to take me the half mile to Best Buy (...what, you think I was going to be walking?)... only to find out that they were going to have to ship it in for an estimate and could take at least 2 days to get an estimate (that doesn't even include the time it'll take to fix the TV!).

What else could I do? I dejectedly left my beloved TV at Best Buy and traipsed on home... only to have a slight panic attack when I got back to my apartment (the same slight panic ensued when I awoke on Saturday morning as well)... you know you have an addiction to TV when your heart literally clenches at the mere thought of having to go TV-less for an entire weekend. Seriously, I had no idea how I was going to fill my time. (In keeping with my apparent month of MIA-ness, I didn't have any significant plans for this weekend.)

But MAN!! It's amazing how much more PRODUCTIVE I am without my TV! Who would've THOUGHT?? Let's see, I did some chores...

I went to the salon...

I rediscovered my love for reading (please note that I hadn't begun this book until Saturday morning... and that's where I was by Saturday evening...

I discovered my new favorite Trader Joe's sweet treat (holy YUMMMMMM!!!!)...

I did some shopping...

Full stop. Like how I just snuck that last one on in there? Sure, these bags are clearly reflective of all things "necessity" in life, but let's focus here on that little tiny white box... with the iconic APPLE symbol! That's right, my friends- I got myself a little iPhone!

Okay, to be fair, this was kind of an impulse buy... I mean, I'd been having issues with my Droid (don't even GET me started), but I'm pretty low-maintenance when it comes to technology, so I've just been "dealing" with the Droid issues. I'd honestly just gone into the Verizon store to innocently ask how I can fix my Droid this time around... and, well, I'm sorry, but I can't help it that I happened to talk to like one of THE most charming sales guys that I've ever encountered on a visit to a Verizon store (normally, as soon as they start going into all these details about all the high-tech things phone A vs. phone B can do, I get bored and zone out). But MAN!! I wish I'd snapped a picture (because that wouldn't have been awkward at all)... he was just the most adorable, most friendly, most patient, most funny, most, well, not gonna lie, kind of smooth talking people I'd met! AND!!! He was giving me discounts left and right!! I felt like I was winning the lottery with each little "accessory" I was picking up along the way!! (This is not an exaggeration- there was even one point in my little shopping spree where his fellow sales guy was like "Jesus, why don't you just GIVE her the stuff for free at this point?")

So that, my friends, is how I wound up with an iPhone. I'm a sucker, what can I say? But in my defense, I got a good DEAL, thank you very much.

Oh, I guess I got kinda sidetracked. Whoops. Hahaha. This was supposed to be how much more productive my life has become sans TV... but... well, this counts, right? You tell me when finding true love at the Verizon store isn't a true measure of life productivity...

the Awkward Silence

the pounding heart, the sweaty palms, the brain freeze... the complete nervous system breakdown that can only inevitably accompany the dreaded... Awkward Silence.

everyone's been there before, right? come on, you'd HAVE to be lying if you said that you've never experienced this phenomenon. the worst thing about the Awkward Silence is that it goes, without fail, from just the Awkward Silence to the Awkward Silence Black Hole in about thirty seconds (if you're lucky). now, coming from a girl who has a LOT to say, i still have had my share of Awkward Silences. granted, i think i've gotten better over time (kind of like aged wine, if you will...) in terms of trying to overcome such Awkward Silences with random topics that i have generated over the years, but still. in my head, if i know it's an Awkward Silence, so do any and all involved parties.

but here's the deal. this is not my problem. i mean, WHAT? if all involved parties know that we're in the midst of an Awkward Silence, SAY SOMETHING. DO SOMETHING. don't just sit there... dwelling in the SILENCE! PRETENDING it's OKAY. i mean, HELLO. who are we KIDDING here. sigh. just a little frustration. hahaha.

but back to merriment and sunshine blah blah blah. hahahah. just kidding. back to merriment! back to sunshine! hooray! for merriment! for sunshine! okay, whatever, you get the idea.

anyway, i have decided to take it upon myself to grace the world with a list of general conversation starters to get yourself outta ANY Awkward Silence mix-up you may find yourself in. just doing my part to save the world, one poor awkward soul at a time. hahaha. im kidding, im kidding. it's not like the actual PEOPLE are awkward. just the situation.... okay, maybe it's also the people sometimes. but whatever. awkward people is simply another blog post for another time...

Christie's Friendly (Non-Judgmental, mind you!) Tips to Avoid the Awkward Silence Abyss

1. discuss what you guys do for a living - now be CAREFUL. you never want to offend the person if they turn out to be doing something that you find less reputable than usual. for instance, if the person says that they play video games and live with their parents... at the age of like forty... just make sure you smile and nod politely... and then GET THE F OUTTA THERE. hahahah. who are we KIDDING here, people. anyway. filter's back.

therefore, tread lightly at first, gauge people's comfort levels with this topic of discussion, and move forward with caution. i cannot emphasize the "moving forward with caution" bit enough. because LORD, if you dont, all i have to say is you just catapulted yourself wayyyy into the Awkward Silence Abyss.

2. discuss each other's histories - for instance, where you live now, where you grew up, where you've traveled. dude, trust me, i can GUARANTEE that this will get you at LEAST seven minutes of somewhat Non-Awkward conversation. i mean, who DOESN'T love hearing people's life stories? (well, if you don't, you can just stop reading this post right about now.) and man, you can ALWAYS spin off some sort of tangent with the places that people have been. you can always relate to said places (if you've been/lived there) or ask about their favorite spots in those places or ask about the weather (GOD, the weather. please PLEASE don't ever talk about the weather... unless you have reached the Awkward Silence Black Hole mode... in which case, you're pretty much screwed as it is and you should likely just be looking for ANY way out.)

3. if you happen to be from the same region, or know people from the same region... heck, why not start tossing some names around? this is also kind of a cautionary measure, because there are DEFINITELY some people who hate hate hate the name game... not to mention, what if you start tossing around some names of people who, like, teased said Awkward Silence partner about how fat he/she was in high school or made fun of Awkward Silence partner's four eyes in grade school... well, whatever you get the idea. but remember... it's all about developing SOME ability to tread lightly and read the situation before just diving right on in there (otherwise, who are we kidding. you're just a lost cause... oops- back to the non-judgmental phase of this blog post...)

4. discuss a current event that's SUPER popular and NOT political - again... i highly highly caution you with this one. because, hello, the whole political thing just goes without saying that things could ever-quickly spiral out of control within the course of a few seconds... well, unless you guys like MET at the democratic national convention or something... but whatever, you get the point im generally trying to get across. anyway, if the current event is pretty popular (ie: michael jackson's death, the oprah's last season, etc), then you will likely have some good conversation going for at least three minutes, because you can both partake, provide your points of views, etc. even if the Awkward Silence partner HASN'T heard about the current event, then whatever, don't FRET (hard to do in the Awkward Silence moment, i know). just start babbling on and on about it like it's the most earth-shattering thing ever, and your Awkward Silence partner is BOUND to get just as excited. (okay. maybe this works for me, because how can an Awkward Silence partner NOT get excited in the midst of the spirit fingered jubileeeeee that can only be a conversation with christieeeeeee... but i digress. you'll never know unless you give it a shot, right?)

5. books! this is one of MY favorite conversation topics, but it very well also may be that most of the people i interact with are fairly well-read (and not really people that i encounter the Awkward Silence with, but whatever). keep in mind again, though, this must be taken with a grain of salt... because i can assure you, there are plenty of people in this world who don't cherish the art of books (which is understandable and fine and totally not judgment-worthy... hahaha just kidding) so you may quickly reach a roadblock... in which case, defer up to the whole "start babbling about YOUR favorite book" phase if necessary. i mean, it's not like you have to go on for AGES... just long enough for you to think of another conversation topic while mindlessly babbling... well, whatever, if books are clearly not working in your favor then just switch to TV... one extreme to the next. and hey, while you start talking about tv, maybe you can start out by actively advertising the wonders and glories of the DVR. because, dude, i haven't come even CLOSE to finishing how wondrous and joyous the invention of the DVR is. and that is CERTAINLY one topic that will take MORE than a few minutes to dissect. and that, my friends, is a 100% christie guarantee.

anyway, so as per usual, this blog post has just gone on and on. i know, right? can you believe i actually DO experience the Awkward Silence from time to time still? i feel like it's one extreme to another with me... either i can talk and talk and talk and... well, talk... or i mute right on up. it just depends on the person, i guess. i mean, i GUESS. who really knows. multiple personalities and all that.

as long as the Maliyacular doesn't start reaching the Awkward Silence Black Hole state... oh GOD. just THINKING about that... i just got the pounding heart, the sweaty palms, the brain freeze... the complete nervous system breakdown...

sigh. and it all comes full circle, yet AGAIN, folks.

i won! i won!

so i decided to take the liberty of actually interacting with coworkers outside of work by going to happy hour with a couple of people on my team a couple of fridays ago... i know, right? anyone who knows me knows there are so many things wrong with that sentence. now, dont get me wrong. i love my coworkers- i mean, they're just so FUNNY. haha - i find people funny? shocking. but anyone who remotely knows me knows that i actively embrace the finer details of staying in and sitting around on fridays. i mean, arent people just TIRED after a week at work? but whatever. when in rome and all that. one drink never hurt anyone...

well. definitely more than one drink and a dueling piano bar later... this woman comes around to take pictures of random people at the bar... okay. so i know i should always be wary of random people taking my picture because who KNOWS where those pictures can end up (thanks for the paranoia, mares) but, quite frankly, you just never know! maybe that picture could've been my ticket to being on tv or something! that was my thought process at this point in the evening despite the fact that i dont think the camerawoman remotely referenced a potential stint on television... but no need to further delve into THAT thought process. so eagerly, i beam away for the camera and then, more than a little readily, write down my email address for her to keep me posted on when i should show up for my grand tv debut...

ha. right. instead, three days later, i randomly get some email from howl at the moon (to which i grimaced because i certainly didnt remember giving my email address out that night in the aforementioned story until i received this follow up email from the bar- whoops)... congratulating me on winning a free happy hour for me and 100 of my closest friends.

i know, i know. wtf and all that, right? of all the people for this to happen to?? i mean, the irony of the situation! you can't make this stuff up! the girl who hates (absolutely hates) having attention drawn to her (well. except, apparently, if it has to do with being on television in which case i am shameless in self-promotion... a study of contrasts, i know)... the girl who actively promotes staying in on the weekends and can readily detail the finer points of cozy time on any given night... the girl who used to be so anti-hanging out with coworkers at her last job (haha i bet any triagers reading this are just like who is this girl? what the f HAPPENED? but whatever. side note.) decides to venture out for one innocent night...

and a free happy hour and 100 friends later...

awesome.

quite frankly, even though i am probably the person least likely to deserve to win some random free happy hour (HELLO! where are the contests for free cupcake tours or coffee shop hours when you need them, people??), you KNOW im so all ABOUT innocent friday night happy hours NOW because, quite frankly, what else will i get to win?? laksdjflaksjdlfkj! i cant wait wait wait to find out!!! lkajsfdlkjsd!